I ate a cold pork chop for breakfast. The randomness gave me a flashback to my "flexible" template. I used to eat the same things on the same days like clockwork. I would talk about changing one thing (smaller apples, less ice cream, more cereal in my tiny ramekin) and then waiting a couple of weeks to see how it played out on the scale. Many of you were like, "But what if I don't eat the same thing all the time? How can I change one variable and keep everything else the same?" You can't. I was crazy. Insert circus music here. 🎪 🤡 LOL
I can see in my mind's eye, a control freak junk heap - tape measures, body fat scales, nutrition software, diet books, fasting windows (actual windows with frames in my vision 😄), hundreds of tubs of protein powder and dozens of blenders. There are 32,957 before photos, after photos, progress photos, and mirror selfies. I see $99 ebooks, fat loss webinars, personal training packages, and online coaches. I had three-ring binders, post-it notes, index cards, calendars, stickers, and highlighters. Food scales, eleventy jillion Tupperware containers, nine coolers and 43 of those blue ice things. Authorized food lists, protein bars, protein cookies, fake ice cream, and a thing that misted microscopic amounts of olive oil. Conflicting research studies. Bickering workout communities. Diet cults. Goal jeans.
There was this vast amount of random garbage I had to wade through on every single food decision. Otherwise, I might make a mistake. Otherwise, I might lose control. No wonder I felt paralyzed and powerless. I was weighing all the conflicting diet nonsense I'd ever internalized against all the possible outcomes every time I ate. It felt extremely important and dire.
Now, my thought process is like, "Me hungry. Me eat that." I just keep it simple. LOL