From skwigg's journal:
"Do you ever 'screw up' anymore? Like have any feelings of guilt or remorse or 'shit that was disordered... why did I do that?' Or are you completely nailing it 100%?"
Neither, but only because I don't think in those terms anymore - "100%" or "screwing up." That has nothing to do with the way I eat and everything to do with the way I think. In general, I don't label my behavior or assign meaning. If I do something that doesn't feel good, like eating considerably more than is comfortable, or walking a thousand jillion miles one week with a psycho mindset, I just notice it. It's interesting! Why did that happen? What was I telling myself? What could I do instead that would feel better?
In order to have feelings of guilt or remorse, I would have to believe my stories about doing something wrong or failing, which I don't when it comes to my eating. If I robbed a bank or ran over someone with the car, I might feel guilt and remorse and it might be appropriate. It never is with food. Guilt and remorse are always misplaced there, the result of a doozy of an unquestioned thought. Knowing that, the negative thoughts rarely come up anymore, and if they do they're amusing at best, and very short lived. It's kind of like that quote about leaving the front and back doors open. Thoughts can come and go, but you don't sit them down and serve them tea.