You guys, I am SO FULL! A friend and I ate at our favorite Italian place that I haven't been to in a year. I had bread and olive oil, an appetizer, a salad, an entree, and dessert. I remember thinking, halfway through the lasagna, I'm good now. I could stop. But the food and conversation were so good that we kept laughing and talking and eating until we practically needed to be rolled to our cars. Totally worth it! I would not enjoy getting that full every day. I have zero concern that I will do it again anytime soon or that it will affect a single thing. Here's what I will do: Eat whenever I get hungry again. Here's what I will not do: Overthink it, get on a scale, or compensate in any way. I know my body has it under control. Even if I do something silly, it will naturally adjust appetite, body temperature, digestion, movement, everything. All I need to do is let it. Last night: Blaaaaah errrgh aaarg. So full. Never eating again... This morning: Wakes up hungry. Eats. It's funny how that works. Being very full used to cause me to panic, not because of the stomach sensation but because of what I was telling myself that it meant. "You always...You never...This is why...Hopeless...Weak...Broken." When I treated eating a lot of food like a failure on my part, it felt super dramatic and scary. When I don't assign any meaning to it at all, I can just move on. In the moment, everything is fine. I can do whatever I need to in terms of self care without making myself feel like everything is ruined or my future is in jeopardy. I think that response came into being because I thought it would be helpful. If I freak out and shame myself, maybe I will eat better and lose weight. Then after doing it a few thousand times, it was the automatic response to eating more food than usual, even if it was total nonsense and actively counterproductive. Those thought patterns can be changed though. The more we untangle food and identity, or food and self-worth, the more we're able to notice our actual needs and calmly meet them.
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