From skwigg's journal: This may or may not be relevant, but another thing to consider is that your lightest/smallest/leanest weight may not be your "ideal" weight. Your ideal weight will not involve starving, white-knuckling, or overtraining. It will not make you feel like you're barely hanging on, or that you have no room for error. It may require some awareness and mindfulness, but not willpower and restraint. There is a tendency to compare yourself negatively to the smallest you've ever been. If you're not the smallest you've ever been, you're failing somehow. That's crap, especially for anyone who has suffered from any kind of disordered eating. Thinking you're going to maintain your eating disorder weight "happily" is ridiculous. It may not even be a dangerously low weight. Maybe it's a perfectly healthy weight and body comp... for someone else . You know it's not a healthy weight or body comp for you if staying there becomes all-consuming. Your happiness and quality of life matter, not a little but a LOT. Eating well and exercising should be truly enjoyable, not fear-driven. I took things a little too far initially. I knew I had taken them too far because I felt like I was living my life on a diet, because I was afraid to lift heavy for fear my tiny pants wouldn't fit, because I was doing things like manipulating carbs, sodium, and water to get lower scale readings. That's when I knew I'd gone 'round the bend. I didn't want to live that way, so I chose to eat and train in a way that made me feel really good, and strong, and energetic, and happy, and not like I was on a diet. I gained about 7 pounds, and all kinds of freedom. My body easily stabilized at that higher weight, and I feel absolutely awesome. I lift the things and eat the food. I have tons of energy and sleep like a lump. It beats being as small and crazy as possible.