From skwigg's journal:
Something weird is happening. I'm reading the original Intuitive Eating book (2012 revision) and it's not giving me a rage attack. In fact, I'm thoroughly enjoying it, highlighting it up, and nodding in agreement. Weirder, I took the "Are You an Intuitive Eater?" quiz and aced that thing. I give myself unconditional permission to eat. I eat for physical and not emotional reasons. I rely on internal hunger/satiety cues. And yet this book, even though I've been familiar with it for like 20 years, is not what got me there. This book made me crazy initially. So, I guess I'm reading it with fresh eyes and looking for clues about where the original disconnect may have occurred.
Clearly, I wasn't ready for these concepts at the time I picked up the book. Either that or the book wasn't able to meet me at that particular level of diet madness and baby step me back to trusting myself in a safe way. Going from total restriction to total freedom was a bit like learning to swim by being thrown in to the deep end of a pool face first. It didn't go well. I ended up traumatized, 10+ pounds heavier, and doubting myself more than ever. My first brush with intuitive eating sent me RUNNING back to dieting.
Now, I'm reading this and my thoughts are, "Yes, of course. So true. I agree. Yep. Mmm-hmm."
My mission to figure out where things went wrong is complicated by the fact that there have been so many revisions to the book. For example, they took out almost all numbers because they didn't want people comparing or obsessing. They've apparently added details about how approaching intuitive eating with a diet mentality or an expectation of quick weight loss will go really wrong. Maybe that would have been helpful to know back then. I didn't approach it as a learning process. It was my new (non-diet) diet. I tried it. It didn't work. I blamed it for sucking and making me fat, and hurried on to the next diet. Ugh.
From skwigg's journal:
I'm so glad I gave intuitive eating another chance. I know where it went wrong before. Going from massive restriction to zero structure was overwhelming. I wasn't eating intuitively. I was eating rebelliously, desperately, and in a very UNattuned manner with regard to hunger and fullness. That wasn't my fault or the fault of intuitive eating, it was survival biology, which I took to mean that intuitive eating was stupid and I was broken. It also went wrong because I initially read Geneen Roth and not the actual Intuitive Eating book, which is much more reassuring and informative than "eat all the cookies you want, you'll stop eventually." I know others who have turned it into the hunger and fullness diet, or the hunger and not-quite-as-starving diet, using it very restrictively for weight loss and blaming themselves when they break "the rules." That was never the authors' intention either, but we all bring our own baggage I guess.
From skwigg's journal:
I liked this link to the 10 principles of intuitive eating:
https://www.intuitiveeating.org/10-principles-of-intuitive-eating/
Note that it doesn't say anything about obsessively rating hunger and fullness on a numerical scale or stopping after two bites of food. I was amazed. LOL
From skwigg's journal:
Right on about a starved brain not being a happy brain. That is so true. Starvation is inherently miserable. I also think you're right about Geneen being the one I wanted to throat punch. LOL Yes, the advice was to stock your house with forbidden food and eat as much as you want until you get tired of it. That did not go well. I can't remember the book now. Something about a refrigerator and a chair. Although, who knows. Maybe I'd have a completely different experience with it now too.
I did read in the Intuitive Eating book about what probably went wrong in my case. They talk about the uncomfortable feelings of guilt occurring in tandem with the physical discomfort of eating without attunement. I didn't recognize hunger or respect fullness. I still felt bad/guilty/unhealthy about all of it, like it could never work and I'd probably have to go back to dieting. So, no wonder I felt horrible and ate like a maniac.
From skwigg's journal:
Maybe it was Geneen Roth who enraged me and not the original Intuitive Eating authors. I don't know. Clearly I wasn't ready for "intuitive" anything at the time. It made me so angry that I tried it and felt awful and gained weight! I didn't grasp the part about it being a process, or owning my choices, or eating to feel good. I probably also didn't grasp that coming off of a bodybuilding contest diet, I was going to gain weight no matter what I did.
Speaking of that. I read a post by Sohee Lee (bikini competitor, powerlifter) about how she's switched to intuitive eating in the off season and has happily gained a few "quality of life" pounds. I love that term! There's a huge level of sacrifice and isolation that comes from strict pre-competition dieting. So many of us tried to adopt that level of restriction as a "lifestyle" with disastrous results. Quality of life is feeling great, sleeping well, eating well, enjoying restaurants and social gatherings. It's being able to live a full and happy life without your food choices ruling everything. That didn't used to be important to me (I thought!), but it's very important now.
From skwigg's journal:
I'm still reading Intuitive Eating and I'm almost embarrassed at how much I'm enjoying it. After all my years ranting and raving against it, I'm not finding anything that irks me. Even the dreaded "hunger discovery scale" is barely mentioned, certainly not presented as law. How had I blown that up into such a huge deal? And nowhere does she suggest overeating cookies until you explode, or only allowing yourself a few bites, or stopping at barely satisfied. It's ALL about satisfaction and eating to feel good, whatever that may be for you. No rules at all, not even non-dieting rules. So weird! Boy, that book made me angry at one time! Why was I so threatened by it? I'm still sorting it out. I'll keep reading and get back to you.