For me, it has been amazing to experience the difference between restrained eating and just eating. My eating stayed restrained for a long time after I quit formal dieting, and even after I started Happy Eaters. I was eating more and had no off-limits foods, but I was still very conscious of weight, diet trends, and of controlling portions through all manner of trickery. As long as I was subtly restricting, eating a whole bunch of food at once stayed appealing. I was having to “dismiss urges” not because of habit or weakness or brain gunk but because I was legitimately hungry and not meeting my energy needs, even if I couldn’t fathom that was the case.
Now that I’ve been consistently eating enough for a couple of years, it’s night and day. Eating a whole bunch of food at once, for any reason, holds zero appeal anymore. It’s not even a thing. When it was still a thing (being underfed), I blamed my environment, habits, emotions, willpower, lizard brain, addictive desire, you name it. I searched endlessly for answers and shared all of my tips and tricks for controlling portions and stopping eating. This seems almost comical now, well, funny and sad at the same time, but I guess we get there how we get there. In that slightly underfed, always thinking about weight and body comp situation, I still had urges to eat a whole bunch of food at once as entertainment, reward, distraction, celebration, any reason really! That’s because I was hungry and needed more food, not because I was crazy or miswired somehow. My body knew that what I was eating wasn’t quite cutting it, so it dazzled me with visions of eating freely. Once I was properly nourished and truly eating freely, no more dazzling. I don’t worry about being home alone, or bored, or in possession of an entire cake, because I’m not hungry and therefore not tempted to eat whenever I let my guard down. Imagine!
The more I trusted my body, the better things got. Eat a lot? Must have needed it. No judgment or compensation. I didn’t just keep gaining and gaining in an out of control way either. Without the chronic hunger, there is zero desire to keep eating. I eat what I need and then lose interest in food. This after years of assuming I was hopelessly broken and food-obsessed. Nope, just hungry! Once I wasn’t hungry anymore, everything worked great.
Oh, wow. I just read the post called Weight-Neutral. It's really relevant to the conversation here too.
Personally, I think it’s impossible to heal food issues while also fretting about weight and restricting your food. Fretting and restricting is what CAUSES food issues, not what fixes them. Check out my post called Letting Go of a Weight Loss Goal. You don’t have to let go of feeling great, taking care of yourself, or honoring your values, but leaving weight out of it helps tremendously.
Thanks Skwigg! Totally relate to a lot of it coming from all of the books - I've read so much and have a head full of conflicting junk, which I wish I could just erase.
That option to play around with having a little more, or a little less, is something I don't allow myself. The old black and white perfectionist thinking of 'I must get this right! I can't fail at this or I'll just put more weight on' gets in the way of that. I also haven't been giving myself permission to eat more later if I'm hungry, because eating more after dinner means I a overeating and therefore 'I'll just put more weight on'. Urgh! Fear and restriction drive so much of this. To be honest my body is a little bigger than I would like now, and I feel a bit uncomfortable, is it okay to want to be a little slimmer? And how would I approach this while trying to free myself of disordered eating? Or as the IE books say is it pretty much impossible to heal food issues while wanting to lose weight?
Also, mental hunger is a thing. Thinking about food is a clear sign that I'm getting hungry or I'm still hungry. When I'm satisfied, I don't think about or want food.
I totally get it! We really do overcomplicate things, and half of it (for me) was all the books I'd read. I really thought my brain was trying to trick me and I have to question it so I don't get fooled. That's ridiculous. It really is as easy as putting the food on the plate and eating all of it if it's good, or stopping if you don't want it, or getting more if you choose. I definitely don't check in and go, "Now am I full? Now? Now? Now?" That will ruin a meal, so will finishing a meal wanting more and telling yourself it must be a trick. If you want more, eat more. No big deal. Notice how the extra food makes you feel later. If it was awesome, do it again. If you find yourself uncomfortable and wishing you hadn't gone back for more, keep that in mind for next time. No big deal. You'll do something, you'll notice how it feels, and you'll remember it for next time. You're not walking a tightrope or diffusing a bomb. It's just dinner. And actually, the more freedom you give yourself to stop a little short or go a little overboard, the faster you learn what feels best, no guessing.
Something else that helped me tremendously was losing the notion that I couldn't have more. I can always have more. I can eat again in five minutes if I want. That makes it possible to stop now and see how it feels, with no pressure to always do one thing or the other. I'm not telling myself stories of "now's my chance" or "I really shouldn't."
As long as I'm telling myself my eating is unacceptable and I need to fix it (mental restriction maybe?), food thoughts and urges to eat stay front and center.
Yes! 100% this. This is exactly my experience. So do you just check in with your body every now and then while you eat to see if you're full yet before actually finishing a plate of food? More often than not I still let an empty plate dictate the end of my meal - occasionally I'll stop before eating everything because I feel full. I think I still have that fear that if someone gave me a never ending plate of food I would just keep eating and eating - that there'd be no off switch. Part of that is from past experiences when I've eaten when not hungry and therefore had no physical off switch. So as long as I'm legit hungry, and not attempting to restrict, then that signal is loud and clear Also, I find that I can be full after finishing my meal but I still get that urge to eat more. Do you think that urge in the absence of hunger is just a habitual/brain signal? Is it just a matter of Eat signal - not hungry - dismiss or Eat signal - hungry - eat ? Lol. I just realised how almost ridiculously simple that seems when I wrote it. I'm almost embarrassed to post it now, but this is how much I over complicate all of this. Thanks :)
I'm of the opinion that if you finish meals still hungry and needing to trick yourself into stopping, it's because you're still not eating enough. Larger meals, more variety, and more food up front (intentional, earlier in the day) were miraculous for me in this regard. I was always thinking about food and trying not to eat food because I was hungry. My portions are larger now. I do eat more. I apparently needed more and just wasn't letting myself have it because diet thinking said no.
When I eat enough (and allow that unconditionally with no guilt or second-guessing). There is no food weirdness. No urges to keep eating, no bingey lapses, no daydreaming about things I can't have. If I want something, I just eat it. But as long as I'm trying to control my intake, things stay weird, whether I'm eating a lot or a little. As long as I'm telling myself my eating is unacceptable and I need to fix it (mental restriction maybe?), food thoughts and urges to eat stay front and center.
But no, I don't think your body is broken and its signals are faulty. If you're hungry, there's a reason. And if you've been restricting, you may be hungrier longer than seems logical to diet mind. It doesn't mean you'll always want or need that much food, but coming out of restriction (mental or physical), it's normal.
Skwigg, do you believe it's possible for our bodies to become accustomed to larger portions of food before sending the full signal? I've been thinking a lot about this lately. I keep playing around with the idea that perhaps my urges to snack and eat more than my normal meals would go away if I ate larger meals - particularly breakfast. But the times when I've tried this (e.g. a second bowl of cereal) it seems my body just gets used to eating larger servings and still sends urges to eat more. I also have weight to loose so I'm not sure I can wrap my head around it being about my body needing more energy from extra food. Would love to hear your thoughts. Hope this has made sense.
Trying to internalize this!