"My God, where do you put it?!" My husband uttered those words while I was eating my admittedly ginormous breakfast this morning. There was a time when that would have made me cry or murder him with a cereal spoon. LOL I specifically taught the man not to comment at all on my food, weight, or body. For years, he didn't say a word or even move his eyebrows while I was eating, probably out of pure terror as much as support. Back in the day, he had witnessed my mind completely unspooling over simple things like plans to eat in a restaurant or get ice cream cones later. He had seen how a hungry brain could twist a sincere compliment into fightin' words. He was careful. Luckily, his crazy wife learned about the wonders of being "antifragile." Instead of making the entire world responsible for doing and saying (or not saying) exactly the right things so as not to upset my fragile emotional state, I could grow the hell up and be responsible for myself. It sounds harsh, but it was insanely liberating. I felt empowered! No one can upset me but me! It's all me, my stories, my thoughts. I don't have to convince or change all the people around me in order for me to be ok. I always get to choose how I react. I think I was ready for this information after learning to question painful thoughts, and discovering that my thoughts are not me. So other people's thoughts certainly aren't me, they're the projections of whoever is talking. It made complete sense.
Anyway, I laughed and felt proud of my awesome breakfast. I felt happy that my thoughts around food and weight have changed so much, happy that I was no longer inclined to cry or kill him. There was a time when I would have spiraled into days of resentment, restriction, and doubt. I can recall wanting to "show" anyone who questioned my food choices. I would starve myself! Or eat perfectly! That would show them! What, I don't know, probably that I was nuts. The person who tried to make a joke, offer support, or give a compliment was never intending for it to go in that direction.
Have you noticed times when you are more or less reactive to other people's observations? Do you have any strategies that have helped you?