Here's something I posted about how I reconcile the desire for leanness versus staying in the moment and eating to feel good right now. I wanted to save it here too.
"When you were in your beginning stages of happy-eatery, did you completely let go of a desire for leanness and completely surrender to the desire for feeling good in the moment (including not stuffing yourself b/c that doesn't feel good)? Or did you find a way to hold both in balance?"
I've never let go of a desire for leanness. Leanness is NOT about being as light and small as possible. Often it has involved allowing myself to get bigger and heavier. Lean muscular people tend not to be light. Leanness for its own sake isn't what drives me. What I'm really pursuing is who I am when I take care of myself - strong, happy, healthy, confident, and consistent. Leanness is a side-effect of that.
Sure you can put leanness first and restrict in order to achieve a look quickly, but then those qualities you're really searching for go right out the window. We think that if we scheme ourselves lean at all costs, our appearance will somehow make us healthy and happy, but no. I was always a mess inside when I arrived at leanness that way. It was never enjoyable or sustainable.
So I eat both to feel great now and to take care of myself, which with time and consistency creates leanness.