It's ok to be where you are now, thinking your current thoughts, doing what works for you now, and to ease into changes as you're ready and willing. Trust is built with time, practice, and baby steps. It's like the difference between taking swimming lessons and being pushed into the deep end. Maybe they accomplish the same thing, but gaining confidence over weeks and months is far less traumatic. When you're ready, loosen up one aspect of your eating and see how it goes, then another. You'll still get where you're going and can feel confident in the process and the results.
It helps to have a goal life and not a goal weight. All these magic numbers, what do they mean to you? How do they make you feel in your story about them? Go for that feeling directly. The number itself means nothing. You can achieve it and still not be at all happy or confident, especially if you treated yourself badly to get there. If you want to feel fit, healthy, happy, confident, powerful, peaceful, free, whatever it may be, engage in the thoughts and behaviors that actually produce that. It's not a diet. It's not a number or a size. When I first started strength training and building significant muscle, I found myself twenty pounds heavier than my old "goal" weight and fitting in the same jeans. I was heaver but no bigger. I've also experienced the opposite, starving myself to some magical weight and still not feeling good or fitting in the clothes I had imagined wearing. In the last few years, any push to keep my scale weight as low as possible only depletes me and leaves me obsessed and disappointed. Plus it's temporary and generally unsustainable. If I focus on how I want to feel, I may weigh more on the scale but I don't flippin' care because I'm happy in my skin, happy with my life, and happy with the way I eat. That happiness and confidence is what we're all going for, but fixating on a scale number doesn't produce it. I treat myself with kindness and respect and eat to feel my best. What I weigh as a result of that is my body's business. The more I stay out of it, the better.