Ask Me Anything

Hey Skwigg, somewhere you said that if you notice you are body checking, you just stop. But is there any specific thought process or questioning that helped? Whenever I get a little weight loss happening the body checking gets intense. Just curious how you were able to move away from that.

For me, body checking was compulsive and almost subconscious. I did it frequently without being fully aware that I was doing it. It was almost like nail biting or something like that. If I found myself stressed, nervous, anxious, excited, or bored, you can bet I’d be doing it. The “Am I ok? Let’s check.” program would just run without me ever making a conscious decision. So half the battle was just noticing that I was doing it.

Once I had the ability to question painful thoughts, the idea that staring my bellybutton was going to determine *anything* seemed like total lunacy. Yet, I had built this whole reality around “If I weigh this, then ____ (dreams come true). If my belly looks like this, then ____ (nightmare scenario). If my arms do this one thing then ____ (elation or despair).” I could look at it objectively and see that none of this was true, that I felt awful and behaved like a lunatic when I believed it, that I would be much happier and more confident if I didn’t, and that, absolutely, the opposite was just as true or more true.

But then what? None of that logic keeps you from stepping on the scale, putting your hands around your waist, or staring into the mirror when you don’t mean to. So, then it was exactly like giving up calorie counting. The thoughts and behaviors kept coming automatically. I would notice I was doing it and literally just think “no” or “stop.” This probably happened thousands of times, which I believe rewired my brain. For years, I would body check and then get very emotionally involved. Then I would body check (or think about it) and just stop as soon as I noticed I was doing it. I’d deliberately think about or do something else, breaking the old pattern over and over again. Eventually, that whole painful reality I’d built around my appearance fell apart from disuse.

The important questions are: How do I feel? How do I treat myself? Am I honoring my values? Am I staying in my own business? If a thought hurts, am I questioning it?

The mirror and the scale have none of the answers, and in fact cause me to veer wildly into bad behavior, painful storytelling, and other people’s business.

Skwigg, how would you look at weekly meal plans within the context of Intuitive Eating?

Meal Planning - I do it, because how else are you going to grocery shop? You can't buy what you need unless you have some idea what you're having. It's not at all the same as clean-eating meal prep where you're making menus and beating yourself up if you don't stick to them. It's more like I have a general notion that Monday is pork chops, Tuesday tacos, Wednesday broccoli cheddar soup, Thursday spaghetti, Friday eggs & english muffins, Saturday pizza, Sunday meatloaf. I also make sure to have everything for our cereal breakfasts, work meals, snacks, random lunches. I'm such a geek about it that I have every food item I've ever purchased saved as a note on my phone in the same order as it's found in the grocery store aisles. I put a checkmark by everything I need that week, then I just walk through the store grabbing things as I go down the list. If plans change, I can always rearrange the meals, eat out, have something totally different, whatever I want. I have options because I did some meal planning. Without it, intuitive eating is almost impossible. You'll want a certain meal and not have it, or have lots of food you don't really want, or have to eat out every day because you only have mustard and yogurt in the refrigerator. I like thinking of some great meals and looking forward to them versus having my eating be completely random and chaotic.

Hi Skwigg! What are your thoughts on HAES/ body acceptance as it relates to wanting to lose weight? I've recently gained a significant amount of weight (30 lbs) after a depressive episode (resulting in being overweight as I started at a normal weight) and am feeling uncomfortable in my own skin and unable to move and live the way I want to. I also have a family history of serious health issues and am concerned about my health now that I've turned 40. I listen to HAES podcasts (Nutrition Matters & Food Psych) and I feel like they villify wanting to lose weight for any reason as succumbing to diet culture and fat phobia. I don't want to be a sheep or start some sort of restrict/ binge cycle. But, I also feel BAD at this weight and don't feel healthy or vital. I would like to start Lean Habits again to try and shed some of the excess, but I have the idea that any attempt at weight control is doomed to fail. I'm very conflicted and was hoping you could share the benefit of your experience to clarify where you can. (I should also mention I have no history of restrictive eating disorder, though I briefly dabbled in intermittent fasting a few years back which could be considered disordered.)

Have you ever read Georgie's take on HAES? http://georgiefear.com/2017/10/05/i-thought-i-supported-haes-i-was-wrong/

Her opinions are similar to my own. As a concept, HAES great. The way it's implemented by people on the intrernet can be quite boneheaded. One of the reasons why even my "body positive" "weight neutral" "inclusive" "HAES" social medias feed often made me want to punch myself in the face. I'd gotten rid of all they triggery diet & fitness culture feeds, but I still felt BAD after immersing myself in other people's heavy-handed messages on food, weight, and health. 

Intermittent fasting is like Lean Habits and Intuitive Eating. If they are implemented by a restrictive and disordered mind, they can become restrictive and disordered. They are not inherently so. Many of Lean Habits are my habits that I do easily and naturally. Same with intuitive eating which is becoming second nature again now that we've become reacquainted, and even intermittent fasting, which all humans do every day between meals and overnight. 

It's important to understand that even people who are the face of non-dieting and body positivity have their own agendas. One, who is very loud and entertaining, is seriously profiting from it. "You should not attempt to lose weight under any circumstances" is her business model. Her income depends on convincing people that weight loss is futile and she can teach you how to accept your fate. It's what makes her unique in the marketplace. I'd tell you more, but she made me sign a nondisclosure agreement. I'm not even joking! You will not see one negative review of this person's message or practices because she will sue you.

Trust me, it's ok to raise an eyebrow at the "don't you dare want to lose weight" message. There is some eyebrow-raising stuff going on there.

YOU know what is right for you. Wanting to take care of yourself does NOT mean you're "doing it wrong" or destined for a restrict/binge cycle.

A close friend of mine is losing weight for health reasons (pre-diabetic, blood pressure). She's doing it slowly while eating what she loves, eating to satisfaction, including more whole foods, and not placing anything off limits. She was down 35-40 pounds this spring and had to go buy all new shorts and pants for vacation. Last summer's clothes didn't fit anymore. I don't have any worries that she's "stuck in a diet mentality" or going to crash and burn because she's not doing anything unpleasant or unsustainable. She's eating to feel good. It's hard to go wrong with that. I can't fathom anyone telling her that it would be better for he health to just accept diabetes and heart disease, that it's fat phobic if she wants to lose weight in order to feel better. HOW you lose weight is what makes all the difference. Restrictive dieting is not ever going to work, but that doesn't mean there are no other options. 

How did you stop counting calories? Was it gradual?

I stopped meticulously tracking calories suddenly. I’d been a nutrition software addict for years. I’m talking about tracking things like parsley and garlic salt. When I quit the software, I switched to handwritten food journals in notebooks. Those allowed me to still do the pointless busywork and feel like I was controlling something, but it was somewhat less obsessive. I didn’t write down any amount of what I had eaten. That way I couldn’t freak out one day and go back and enter six months worth of food into the software. Instead of amounts, I’d add some thoughts about my day, how I was feeling, what I was grateful for, what my workout was like. I wrote down every single thing I ate or drank for two years. It was pointless and time consuming. Most days I still tallied the calories in my head. Periodically, I would track a whole day in writing in the notebooks. Once I ditched the notebooks, the label reading and mental math stayed strong. I became more interested in macros and started tracking those with software. Then I got my first Fitbit and began comparing intake and expenditure. I became obsessed with it. That’s when the red flag finally hit me in the face. I really didn’t want to live like that, with every life experience happening behind a cloud of math. I ditched the Fitbit and quit the software again. This time I was very consciously NOT going to participate in that running tally of what I’d eaten. My brain would start to do it, but every time I recognized it happening, I would think “no!” or “stop!” and deliberately think about other things. It took about 5 years after THAT for calorie math to finally die. It’s not part of my awareness anymore. I don’t look at nutrition labels. I don’t add things up even casually or subconsciously. I hate that they’re putting calories on every menu now. I ignore them other than having a vague sense that items with more calories will taste better and be more satisfying.

So, yeah, my decision to suddenly stop counting calories actually took me 7-8 years. Someone more committed could probably do it much faster, but I don’t think anyone who has been doing it for any length of time decides to stop and it just goes away. Some kind of brain rewiring has to take place.

I have been struggling with some carb phobia. How does one suss out what the right amount of carbs is? Cravings? Energy? Appetite reactions after eating them?

Tanked energy levels, anxiety, and insomnia are for me the hallmarks of eating too little, and specifically too few carbs. I feel a million times better with starch and sugar. I feel like I should only say starch, but the truth is that coconut cream pie works just as well as potatoes or rice for me in terms of mood, energy, and sleep quality.

I fretted about carbs unnecessarily for years because I thought they made me puffy. They do not. What made me puffy was constantly pursuing the false weight loss of carb and sodium depletion and water manipulation. If I ate low-carb, low-sodium, high-protein, and drank buckets of water, I’d lose a few pounds and inches quickly. If I ate a piece of toast I’d gain them all back, therefore bread = evil. But of course it was more like pointless restriction = unnecessary drama. If I am not depleted from restrictive eating, carbs have no impact on my weight or muscle definition, but they have a HUGE impact on sleep, mood, energy, and workout performance.

When I was finding my way with happy/intuitive eating, I was very determined that any weight loss would be actual fat and not water, muscle, or sanity. For me that meant eating everything and not playing any of my old restriction tricks to appear falsely lean. All of those contest prep, figure competitor, fitness model, clean eating diet hacks I’d picked up have no place in normal eating. They aren’t necessary in order to be happy and healthy, or even lean.

Adding starchy carbs may cause some weirdness at first if you’ve been restricting them. I would create a story where that was proof I couldn’t tolerate them, or couldn’t eat them and have abs. It was just a story though. Reality is that leanness is about consistently doing what you love and eating an appropriate amount to fuel it. It’s not about eliminating certain foods, though I tried that over and over again with predictably poor results.

You know yourself best. You’ll see how eating or not eating something makes you feel. You’ll be able to adjust it for your own best approach. The carb/sleep thing alone was enough to make me a fan forever. :-)

I've got a question for Skwigg or anyone else who might know. I could google this question, of course, but I'm purposely staying away from anything on the internet "recommending" anything having to do with carbs. 

I've increase my carb intake by about, oh, 400% in the last few years LOL. I've found nothing but improvement in every aspect of life, energy, anxiety, hormone balance, weight control, body comp, etc. I know I need more carbs when I'm DOING longer/harder workouts but is it possible that I need even more BECAUSE I'm  carrying more muscle? 

I have noticed lately a needed increase in food and when I add in more carbs, it seems to do the trick without a ton more overall intake. Could this be because I'm carrying more muscle? My workouts have decreased in duration, weight lifted, etc because I've reached a goal I'm happy with and have backed off trying to add muscle from here. I've only ever increased carbs for workouts, not for life with muscles to carry around.

For the record I'm increasing the carbs because I feel better with them, whatever the answer is. Just curious

Speaking for myself, I don't have the muscle mass I once did. (Or maybe I don't have the fat over my muscles that I once did?) Anyway, I'm smaller and I train less, but I still need and eat plenty of carbs, things that were unheard of when dieting. Bowls of cereal, sandwiches with two pieces of bread, spaghetti dinners, rice, potatoes, beans, ice cream, all of it.

What popped into my head when I read your question is that carbs are protein-sparing. If you eat enough carbs, you don't need crazy amounts of protein. The protein you do eat gets used for repair and muscle building, not energy. On a low-carb, high-protein diet, you're using your protein for fuel to get through the day, which is inefficient and feels crappy. So, even if you're just maintaining the muscle you've already built, the carbs are still necessary for things like walking dogs, teaching class, cooking dinner, going shopping. Trying to do normal life stuff on chicken breasts and protein bars still doesn't feel as good as with a potato or an english muffin in the mix. 

What do you think about weight loss as an overt goal? I keep seeing anti-diet stuff that tells me I shouldn't care about weight at all. I totally understand the logic of self-care regardless of weight. But I'll feel better in my own skin if I lose weight and if I constantly try not to think about it, I feel as if I'm denying something I should be allowed to want.

You're allowed to want and think about fat loss. You're allowed to care about how you look and feel. The last thing we need is more guilt or "shoulds," especially as non-dieting or self-acceptance advice. You're not bad or wrong if you want to lose weight. It's critical though to pursue the life/mindset you genuinely want (confidence, health, happiness, freedom, self-care) and not just a number for a number's sake. So, yes, weight loss as part of a bigger picture of taking great care of yourself and enjoying life is both possible and awesome. "Not caring" as a mindset never went well for me. I care. It's the things I care about that have shifted. Numbers and what other people think have fallen way down the "care" list. Feeling good has skyrocketed.

Just curious--how important is a 12 hr fast (overnight) to you? If you eat dinner later, do you still eat breakfast at the same time, or do you adjust according to hunger?

I don't really pay any attention to that. I eat dinner and breakfast when I'm hungry and/or it's convenient. It tends to be in the vicinity of 12 hours apart but I don't clock it or change anything if I eat later. I also don't wait until I'm hungry in the morning. I rarely have any appetite when I first wake up, even if I was feeling light and empty and a little hungry before bed. The next morning it will be a good two hours before my stomach wakes up enough to growl again. It's generally not practical to wait around for that. So I go with Georgie's explanation that it's pretty common not to feel hungry first thing in the morning or after a hard workout. Both seem to apply to me. I eat anyway.

The important thing is to settle into a routine that works for your schedule and preferences, and to be flexible with it. Slapping myself with diet rules like "must be physically hungry" or "must wait 12 hours" never feels good so I avoid it. I can do whatever I want! :-D As long as I remember that, I tend to eat pretty well and be pretty consistent.

Skwigg, I have 2 questions for you. 

1. How do you stop eating when you're not satisfied, but want to be hungry for your next meal that is coming fairly soon? Here I'm thinking about times at work.

2. When trying to lose weight, how do you reduce your calories without thinking about food all the time? I find that my body is sensitive to having a reduced intake. When I'm at work, my thoughts often turn to food in between meals. However, if I'm doing something fun and distracting, like hanging out with friends or watching a show, I don't think about food much. How do you turn off that part of your brain that immediately defaults to food thoughts? 

Those are interesting questions. I suspect my answers are probably...wrong somehow. LOL

1. I don't ever stop eating when I'm not satisfied. If I'm genuinely hungry now and I have a bigger better meal planned in 2 hours, I'll have enough now to take the edge off so that I can look forward to being hungry again for the proper meal. The whole key to that is not being ravenous. Then I can have some cheese and crackers, or an apple and some nuts, and forget about food until I'm hungry again in an hour or two. If I'm hopelessly underfed then a cheese stick and grapes just opens the floodgates. I stay completely out of that hunger red zone by having eaten enough earlier in the day, and the day before that, and the day before that.

2. I never ever think in terms of reducing calories or eating less food. I think in terms of abundance and maximum satisfaction. If those two things are happening, then I'm easily satisfied with "lean me" amounts of food. When I ignore joy and satisfaction and focus on eating smaller/lighter/less for the purpose of weight loss, I become obsessed, think about food constantly, and have frequent overeating lapses. So, I guess I turn off that part of my brain by eating enough and enjoying it enough.

Losing weight is never on my agenda. Sometimes it happens as a result of having so much fun and being so consistent, but if I make eating less a priority, the wheels come off the rest of my habits. I end up stuck and struggling with food thoughts, willpower, guilt, restraint, all kinds of things that undermine the process. 

I guess a follow up question is about how to tease out genuine hunger from random brain gunk telling you to eat more? Does that make sense? Often times when I don't feel satisfied, I wonder if it's really because I didn't have enough, or it's because it's some addictive desire telling me to eat more. It's hard to tell. 

I no longer believe that "addictive desire" for food is an actual thing. It would be like saying you have an addictive desire for water or oxygen. Well, of course you do! You'd be dead without them. Now I tend to believe and respect my body when it's saying, "That wasn't enough. I'm not satisfied. I need more." I used to separate food hunger from head hunger, but now I understand that head hunger is a powerful tool of the body's energy balance system. If I'm having constant food thoughts and scarcity issues, that MEANS something. It's not a trick or a malfunction.

I'm only suspicious that it's brain gunk if the thoughts are tied to an old conditioned behavior, like wanting to eat when a television show is on, or after the annoying relatives leave, or when I suddenly find myself alone. In situations where I used to habitually overeat, I'll question whether there is something going on besides hunger. Maybe I'm trying to comfort myself and food is the default suggestion. If I'm curious and kind, I can dismiss the chatter or find a more appropriate solution.

Generally though, if my brain is telling me that wasn't enough food, it's because that wasn't enough food. I like Georgie's method of asking if it was enough that I won't get hungry or think about food again for hours. Or my method of eating until I'm actually full and don't want anymore versus thinking I should be full and should not want anymore. Shoulding myself goes comically wrong. My body knows what it needs. It will steamroll me if I'm too much of a dunce about it.

I just think of that addictive desire thing when I have something sweet. In general I want more, right after eating! 

Sweets are interesting because they do tend to make that pleasure/reward part of your brain very excited, at least momentarily. The difference is that if I'm well-fed and not thinking restrictively, it's just a flash and it's very manageable. I notice the thought that I want more but it isn't very compelling because I've had plenty and can have more whenever I want.

When I was an underfed guilty dieter, the urge was more like an atomic bomb than a flash. Eating more sweets felt very urgent. If I didn't do it, I'd still be thinking about it hours and days later, until I eventually overate something.

So, eating enough in general helps to keep sweets from causing any kind of serious freakout. Another helpful strategy is asking yourself if you'll feel better after eating another piece/bite/cookie. Sometimes the answer is yes! Sometimes you know you'd feel better stopping now. In that case, just taking a second to think about it and giving yourself the option to eat more or stop allows you to make a good decision. If there are no options and you're just telling yourself "no" or trying to resist, that will cause rebellion and chaos.

I also remember the helpful phrase, "Not now, maybe later." It feels way better than "no" "shouldn't" or "can't."

I'm mostly pretty frustrated with what's going on now. I'll use an example of this morning to show what I'm talking about. For breakfast I had a piece of toast with some cheese (probably half of a slice of cheddar--sliced from a big block), 2 hard boiled eggs, and some arugula. After eating it, I felt like I was hungrier than before! Usually when this happens, I'll try to ignore it and go on with my day, but still preoccupied with food. OR, I'll eat more, feel like I shouldn't have eaten more, and then when lunch rolls around I'm not hungry. Is this all mental? Or is it that the meal wasn't sufficient?

What determines if a meal was "enough" is what the meal/day/week before looked like. So, that meal may be fine on a lazy day when you've eaten plenty the day before, or it may require a second piece of toast and cheese and a big piece of fruit to satisfy hunger on a different day. If you're ignoring hunger and feeling preoccupied with food, that's the clear indicator that it wasn't enough. If you're not hungry for lunch, that's ok!!! It's a learning process. Every meal is an opportunity to learn. You can't do it wrong. You only get more skilled at judging what will satisfy. Maybe you eat lunch a little later or make it a little smaller. Or maybe you eat everything you brought in the time available and still find yourself hungry for dinner. It's fine. You're not going to nail satisfaction at every meal. I still don't! Sometimes I overshoot or get hungry sooner than intended, I just don't stress about it anymore. I eat the next meal when it's convenient to do so, and an amount that feels good mentally and physically. 

I don't ever ignore hunger. If you think of hunger like a pendulum, ignoring it for hours pulls it back hard, setting you up for a big swing into overindulgence at some point. Eating consistent, predictable meals is what stops the swings. I also don't worry about overeating. In my mind, it's not really possible. A huge meal only means that it will be longer until I get hungry or think about food again. It doesn't mean that I've overeaten or that I'll gain weight. For that to happen, I would need to eat when not hungry and past fullness deliberately at many, many meals for weeks and months. Which is maybe why I don't stress one bit about "ruining dinner" occasionally with a too-big lunch or too much snacking. It happens. The world doesn't end. The clothes still fit. It's the big picture of what I've done for the whole month that matters. There are 90-120 meals involved if you're eating 3-4 times per day. That's plenty of opportunities to gather data and make adjustments. If you overeat at one meal or two dozen, you're still doing really well! Diet brain tells us that catastrophic failure is a possibility and that we should be really worried about doing everything exactly right at every meal. But that's actually counterproductive. It's more like learning to golf. Getting really good takes years of practice, but the practice is fun.

I have never had (but want) visible muscle definition, especially in my arms and my abs. This seems like a silly question, but are these workouts the kind of thing that, if done consistently, will produce muscle definition? I know food plays a part in it too, but going off of the example you've set (eat when hungry, stop when full, include treats/baked goods/ice cream(!), eat lots of vegetables/fruit), it seems like there's no need to adopt crazy clean eating rules just to get muscle definition. 

The short answer is that strength training produces the muscle. Eating habits produce the definition.

You're right, there's no need to adopt a crazy clean eating scheme. Undereating or eating very restrictively compromises the muscle part of the equation because you're underfed and have no energy to train, and it hurts the definition part because crash diets aren't sustainable long enough to see lasting results. It's important to love what you do if you're going to be consistent for years. Consistency is the real key to muscle definition. Doing something pretty well most of the time produces better results than doing something extreme for a few weeks or months and then quitting (the diet roller coaster).

So yes, regular strength training + happy eating can definitely produce muscle definition if done consistently over time.

I guess what I am perplexed about is that loads of women have a healthy body weight and don't look gaunt or too skinny, but they have a flat stomach. Is this just genetics and body type? Or is it the type of foods they eat? Or is it the type of exercise they do? I can look too skinny but still have a soft belly. You and I are similar in weight now and you look SO lean and muscular compared to me. Will my body change over time as I maintain this weight? Or is there a way to make the most of what I've got - so to speak - through body recomposition? Is body recomp even possible or is it a bit of a myth? LOL so many questions. Appreciate your thoughts. 

Joyce - It's a mix of genetics, training & diet. Body recomp is definitely real - Go Kaleo's and Skwigg's photos attest to that. Personally, im at the heaviest weight I've been in a while, and I'm still fitting into most of my "skinny" clothes. But in order to achieve recomp, one needs to strength-train regularly, and eat at, or a little above, maintenance calories, consistently.

As for the flat stomach, it also helps to have a long torso. That's one reason why men generally have an easier time showing off a "six-pack". Not only do they tend to carry less fat around the abs compared to women, they also have longer torsos. But also, I'd take those online photos with a grain of salt. Most of us will pose and try to put our best foot forward... And in fitness, that means highlighting stuff such as abs, or legs. Lighting, hydration and angle can emphasize those aspects.

Sunshine - Joyce hit the nail on the head. 

It's true that when you gain weight after being really thin it all goes to your stomach and then redistributes (I went through it, it was awful), however the amount that redistributes and how flat your stomach is after the redistribution depends on genetics, training and diet.

Women generally carry their weight in their thighs and buttocks. I am pretty sure Lyle McDonald talked about this on his forum at one point and saying it's related to hormones as well as genetics. I recall him saying he trained a girl whose abs were poking through but she still had ample body fat on her lower body. It took some every strategic training and dietary processes to lean out her legs. It's typical fat distribution for a woman to carry fat in her lower body and have a flat stomach.

I have read that for those that carry weight in their belly weight training and a moderate diet (moderate carbs, moderate protein, moderate fat) are beneficial. 

Having been where you are, I can't help but wonder if you actually carry fat in your belly or if its a body image thing. I only say that because my assumed "fat" belly was my reason for dieting in the first place, looking back, my belly wasn't any fatter than the rest of me. 

Skwigg - Yes, everything Joyce said. Body recomposition (being leaner and more muscular at a similar or higher weight) is all about strength training. Muscle is key, so it requires challenging strength training and eating enough to support muscle growth. It doesn't generally happen accidentally unless you fall in love with Crossfit, powerlifting, kettlebell training, or some activity that really pushes you metabolically and strengthwise. After my eating disorder I got into bodybuilding and eventually added nearly 20 pounds of lean mass to my frame while gradually losing body fat. 

I hadn't thought about the long torso, but that makes sense too. I also deliberately train my abs with heavy weight to make the muscles bigger and more bumpy. That allows for visible ab definition at a higher percentage of body fat. Leigh Peele has described abs and the fat covering them sort of like this. Picture a bed with a sheet on it. Put a pea under the sheet. Pretty hard to see. Put a grapefruit under the sheet. You can see it even with a comforter on the bed. Those are my ab muscles, the ones that show through a comforter (aka, Ben & Jerry's). Often, people try to lose fat, lose fat, lose fat, but if there's not much under the fat to be revealed, you look gaunt instead of fit and muscular.

It's also very true about the photos you see online. Even lean fit people don't have flat stomachs at all times. They just tend not to post their relaxed, bloated, puffy shots. I love this post from Dr Spencer Nadolsy.

Jess - what would be the one or two simple things I could do to make a difference? I know we have discussed this before and you have reassured me that carbs and sugar do not make any different fat than other foods, but I wonder if my belly fat has come from my increased carbs and sugar intake from gaining weight? 

Skwigg - Probably not. It's your overall food intake that determines whether you gain fat and your genetics that determine where you store it. Alcohol and stress (cortisol) may make someone more prone to storing abdominal fat. An eating disorder and recovery from it fall into the category of pretty freakin' stressful. I've definitely tried to find a demon macro that was the cause of all my body dissatisfaction and the answer to all my troubles. I concluded like sunshine says above that "moderate everything" works better than high or low anything. So, a flexible balance of all macros.

As for what you can do, continue to take great care of your body and mind. Do things that make you feel strong, happy, and confident, whatever those may be. If you make quality of life the priority, things tend to go well. If "fixing flaws" becomes a priority, that's when it gets weird.

"If you feel out of control or unhappy with your decisions around food, there's a reason. It's like a riddle to be solved."

This really struck a cord with me. So I set about to solve the riddle. I paid attention when I was overeating, and I realized that there is a very quiet but consistent voice in my head always saying, "It's okay to overeat; I'll worry about what I eat starting tomorrow." 

How in the world do I get over that? I thought I had moved past it, but I now I know haven't. 

Skwigg - It IS ok to overeat! You can do anything you want. It's that threatening "starting tomorrow" follow-up thought that will lead you to overeat right now. So, the thing to remind yourself is that you can do what you want tomorrow too. You don't need to overeat right now if you know you can always have more tomorrow, at your next meal, in an hour. That's what makes it safe to experiment with eating a little less at this meal. But if there's the possibility that you're going to be "worrying" and cut off in the near future, of course you'll want to eat plenty now. 

That's some really good sleuthing! Maybe only focus on what feels good right now. If overeating feels good, go for it. If feeling a little lighter, more comfortable, and proud of yourself after this meal might feel good, it's safe to try it and see. You can always overeat again whenever you want. No threats of future dieting. 

Kayla - Yes!

Eating when you're not hungry is often something done habitually in order to feel a bit better in the moment. It's a temporary conditioned reaction that is self correcting. Desires to eat food outside of hunger are usually just a busy mind, and all that needs to be done is to let my busy mind settle. Notice it and step back; don't fuel the thoughts or make them meaningful.

We don't need to dig for the source of the discomfort or busy mind. The root cause of the discomfort is thought, always. What it's thought about (weight, job, habitual old worry) doesn't much matter because there is no dissection of that thought needed, no intervention. When we recognize that's it thought, and we remember that thought isn't personal and isn't permanent, we disengage from it and it fades away. The root of the issue (busy mind) is the only trigger that's of importance in that moment. When us dieters/binge eaters have a busy mind, food and/or body thoughts tend to be the ones that we notice first which can make it look like there's actually something wrong with our eating behaviors or body, but it's our mind innocently trying to get us to focus on something that in the past has provided some sort of comfort or break from the chatter.

If there is some intervention that would be helpful, we'll see that at some point. Again, not something we have to dig for or analyze to arrive at the answer. It'll rise to the surface and you'll see it. It's recognizing that you're in the midst of some unclear thinking that's most important. Trying to figure out exactly what the thought was that was upsetting or what to do to get your real need met, isn't going to happen in the midst of a lot of thinking. When the food thoughts and other emotions settle you'll be better equipped to figure out what's really going on or if any action needs to be taken. Just knowing that your urge to eat (assuming it's urgent and you aren't hungry) is just a busy mind that will clear on it's own, then you can take care of the things that need taking care of, is pretty much all you need to know.

What are the signs of overtraining?

Some signs of overtraining: insomnia, anxiety and restlessness when you should be sleepy, sluggishness when you should be alert, worsening performance, persistent soreness and fatigue, changes in appetite, catching colds, elevated resting heart rate in the morning, and dreading your workouts. 

A key thing to remember is that it's not just the training volume/frequency/intensity that hoses you, it's the lack of recovery. The same workout schedule that feels great when you're well rested and well fed may wreck you if you're not eating enough, not sleeping well, or you're experiencing a lot of stress in daily life. 

I was wondering if you could say more about the times in the past when you chose not to eat happily, even though you had begun to do so, because of that 'checking that the old way isn't better' thing. I've definitely been doing that recently. Part of me recognizes it as 'just checking', and part of me is telling myself off about lack of willpower. How long did those 'checks' last? Did you see them for what they were at the time? Is there anything else that you think was important about them? Thanks!

My first thought was that telling myself off about lack of willpower would probably make me want to investigate overeating much more thoroughly. LOL

This is an interesting question because there are different sides to it. There's a restriction side and an overconsumption side (at least in my case), and then there's the "problem" that I do pretty much everything happily, at least at first, even restrict and overconsume. Maybe what has changed is the speed and ease with which I change directions if I realize something is not actually making me happy.

On the restriction front, sometimes I have trouble even recognizing it. Behold all the times early in this site's history when I'd try to do paleo happy eating, or vegan happy eating, or intermittent fasting happy eating. I'd check out the latest diet craze to make sure I wasn't missing something. Then I'd get fed up with the dogma and restrictive thoughts and come back to my own habits. This still tempts me sometimes, like I took an interest in flexible dieting, reverse dieting, and If It Fits Your Macros. Only now, I'm happy to read about other approaches, gain some insight, and still keep doing what I'm doing. I'm no longer tempted to actually stop what I'm doing or start something else, but I still get curious.

On the overconsumption front. I can happily overeat if I'm in the mood. :-) Sometimes it's fun. The difference is that now I'm more likely to notice when it's not so fun anymore and stop right there. My choice. Because why continue to do something not fun? That's how I nip the behavior, by owning and choosing, never by "should." Scolding myself keeps me doing the thing I'm not enjoying even longer because it might be my last chance. If I feel guilty or ashamed of how I'm eating, it kicks up all those "starting tomorrow" vibes, which are incredibly counterproductive. I tell myself pretty much the opposite. I can overeat all day every day if that's what I want. So, IS that what I want? Usually not. Usually logic starts creeping into it at that point. I realize I don't need to eat all of this now because I can have more whenever, and because I value other things more.

A recent example occurred with a pint of Ben & Jerry's a few weeks ago. I'd already had three full meals plus dessert, but I was home alone, and my show was on, and I was mildly stressed. In the moment, I really wanted that ice cream. I chose to eat it and enjoy it even though I didn't really need it. I even told myself I could have the whole pint if I wanted. It was good fun to about the halfway point. Then I was quite full and not enjoying it as much, but not ready to stop either. I made it to the 3/4 mark and never wanted to eat The Tonight Dough again as long as I live. LOL I didn't finish the pint. I haven't bought that flavor since. I had hit my dough threshold. No judgement. I chose to eat it and I chose to stop. Owning my decisions makes such incidents brief and infrequent. I don't need to keep doing something for days or weeks out of rebellion. If you enjoy your everyday eating and thinking, there's no need to escape it. It's when I don't enjoy my eating and thinking that I'm more likely to try out old ways to make sure I'm not missing something.

Hey Skwigg, do you set specific fitness goals and what are they? I am wondering if I would be more committed to working out more often if I had a tangible goal. I don't want a certain aesthetic to be the main goal, because that's not the most helpful for me. So I'm curious what your mindset is around fitness goals. :)

I have an aversion to goals and goal-setting. It's not that I don't improve and accomplish, it's just that I don't think about it in those terms. For example, I exercise 7 days a week. That's important to me. It improves everything about my health, happiness, and wellbeing, but if I set a goal to exercise 7 days a week, I would quit immediately and come up with all kinds of reasons why it was a terrible idea anyway. I think of exercise as play, so why would I not want to play every day? I don't need to set a specific goal to eat ice cream either. It just happens because it's something fun that I value. I guess I think in terms of values instead of goals. I get a lot more done that way with no resistance.

I value strength, power, endurance, flexibility, balance, and speed. I work to improve those, but I do it as part of my playtime. There are feats of strength and flexibility I find really cool, like backbends, handstands, forearm stands, full unassisted pistol squats, and pull-ups. I'll decide I want to do something, like crow pose into a headstand, into straddle splits, back into a headstand, back into crow pose. I'll see someone else do it and think, COOL! I want to do that! Then I start practicing as part of my playtime. Eventually, I'll master it and pick something else fun to work on. Currently, I'm after a 1 minute freestanding handstand. Right now I tip over at 10-12 seconds, but that's ten times longer than when I started! I'm excited about my progress. I can't wait to kick up into the air like a 4-year old every day.

So yeah, that kind of thing, or using a heavier kettlebell, or jumping rope longer without tripping, or getting lower in the splits. Those excite me as long as I don't make any conditions or deadlines.

Other than weighing, how can I know if I am eating enough?

I'm sure you probably have some of your own indicators. Some of mine:

If I'm eating enough: I feel totally satisfied after meals. I don't get hungry or think about food again for hours. I have plenty of energy throughout the day. I sleep well. My workout performance is good and I recover well. 

If I'm not eating enough: I think about food constantly. I'm never satisfied and always want more food. I'm tired all the time. I'm cold. I experience insomnia and anxiety. My digestion is awful. Workouts are a struggle and I'm wiped out for the rest of the day. 

If I'm eating too much: I don't feel physical hunger. I'm always some level of full. I may start a meal still full from the last one. I'm often uncomfortable after eating. I may have heartburn or indigestion. I feel bloated and uncomfortable and my clothes feel tight. I get sleepy after I eat. I don't want to workout.

That's me. Not all of those are clear indicators of over or undereating. Digestive problems may be caused by something other than quantity of food, for example. Hormones complicate things.

I'm trying to break the habit of snacking straight from dinner at 7pm (which is always satisfying enough- calorically and taste-wise) up until bedtime at 10 or 10:30. Any tips for not eating so much at night?

It's not just dinner, but all the previous meals in the day that matter. If you're underfed during the day, not snacking at night is considerably harder, even if dinner is substantial. There's also the possibility that it's a comforting habit to alleviate boredom or relieve stress. Maybe you're not even bored or stressed anymore, but you've strengthened the habit through repetition. It can help to shift your evening routine around. I like to walk after dinner, and as crazy as I am, I don't walk and eat. An after dinner snack could also be something you plan and look forward to. If you enjoy it and you're not overeating in general, there's not necessarily a reason to fight it. Maybe you just make it work for you by choosing the food and amount ahead of time, or deciding on the duration of the activity ahead of time, or enjoying after-dinner popccorn one or two nights a week instead of every night. Then maybe you have something else fun planned to do, even if it's something silly like a game on your phone, or checking a gossip blog, or watching a favorite TV show. People have trouble with transitions. There can be a sadness when one thing ends and it's time to move on, especially a delicious meal. An easy way around that is to have another rewarding activity right after it, kind of like when we were kids and wanted to hurry up and finish dinner so we could go outside to play.

Skwigg, what is your opinion of fairly even food intake over the entire week Vs a mix of lighter days and heavier days?The research I have done there is conflicting ideas. Would it be better to even things up? Thanks!!

That's a fascinating question. I don't think either is best. I suspect that worrying about it is placing more stress on your body than doing or not doing it. Isn't that funny? :-) I would get myself so tweaked out about what is right or best, or what research shows, that my lifestyle and preferences didn't even enter into it. They should have because they're key to consistency and success.

Whatever works best for you right now is best. Both higher/lower days and fairly level days work for me. Both were healthy. Both were enjoyable at the time. As more time passes, I have less grasp of how much I eat on which days. It's been so long since I've counted anything that the numbers are finally leaving my brain. It's always satisfying meals when hungry, regardless of the day. I too tend to have more restaurant meals and desserts on my weekends, but if I'm eating to hunger that doesn't affect anything. A bigger meal may mean it's longer until I'm hungry again, or that I'm less hungry the next day or the next meal, or not. As long as I don't feel guilty or try to deliberately compensate for it there's no problem. That cycle of restriction and overconsumption is what causes backlash and health problems.

If you enjoy your meals, you feel good, and you're happy, there's no reason to change anything.