Ask Me Anything

What is satisfaction when it comes to food and how can a beginner IE person start to hone into the answer for themselves?

It's important to understand that satisfaction is not just a level of stomach fullness. That physical sensation is part of it, but it's also mental and emotional. I highly recommend reading the satisfaction chapter in the Intuitive Eating Workbook. It really spells out how to find satisfaction when you have no clue how. Part of it is learning to think about the taste, texture, smell that appeals to you, whether you want salty, sweet, savory, or crunchy, creamy, crisp, cold. Another huge part of it is actually experiencing those while you eat, which you will not do effectively if you're not aware of the environment. Trying to eat when you're distracted or stressed, in the middle of an argument, surrounded by clutter, rushed, all of those can cause you not to register satisfaction. Eating what you "should" have instead of what you actually want can throw it off too. If the food isn't mentally and physically satisfying, you'll keep eating it, chasing a satisfaction that is never going to happen even if you get overly full. There's a quote in the IE book that is something like, "If you don't love it, don't eat it. And if you do love it, savor it." Now, not every meal has to be a perfect Zen experience or exactly what you want, but the more often you pay attention to what you want and you eat it mindfully, the more likely you are to experience true satisfaction from the food, notice when you're done, and flip the "off" switch.

So, the short answer on how to hone is to think about what food you'd like, and then to eat in a way that allows you to slow down and really experience the food. Speed eat or eat with too many distractions, and you'll blow past satisfaction every time.

In the moment, I'll notice the level of fullness in my stomach, but I may also notice myself losing interest in the food, thinking about other things, or maybe it's not tasting quite as great as when I first started eating. In that case, I stop. I can always have more later, and I can definitely look forward to my next meal, so there's no need to overdo it right now.

im sure you’ve answered this question elsewhere but I’m going to ask it here: What is satisfaction when it comes to food and how can a beginner IE person start to hone into the answer for themselves.

I am almost 40 and wonder if it's just inevitable that my body will get a little "softer" and I need to be OK with that? I am still at a healthy weight for my height. I just don't feel great where I am.

I waited for my metabolism to shut down and everything to fall apart at 30, then again at 40, and for sure at 50. So far, nothing. I think what's happening though is that I've become more relaxed and accepting, I've had more practice eating and training in ways that feel good, and thanks to those first two, I've been consistent for a loooong time.

It's my opinion that a mindset of self-care overcomes any age-related metabolic ups and downs. You're either actually leaner, or you feel so much better that leaner becomes irrelevant. You're not going to sacrifice your wellbeing for a little more of it. That's empowering. It's the opposite of what happens when we're young and painfully insecure, willing to wreck our lives to weigh a little less. If you focus on feeling amazing, you're not going to wrong. Generally, feeling uncomfortable in my skin is a symptom of not treating myself as well as I could. It's independent of weight, age, or body comp. 

I am really interested about whether you made the conscious decision not to have kids or whether it just kind of happened by accident or through not being able to...?

I am really interested in hearing about how you found purpose and meaning in your life outside of the role of mother, given that this is the primary role of women in society (society tells us this anyway). Has it ever been an issue for you? Do you worry about not having a 'family' that you have created around you as you get older?

Ooh, excellent juicy question, @Jess! I would love to hear others thoughts on meaning and motherhood as well.

For me, I knew as a child that I never wanted to have kids and be a mom. I wanted to be an astronaut zookeeper horse trainer ninja. LOL I’ve experienced all of those except for actually going into space. 🚀 Though I do have a technology job involving plenty of geeky satellite transmission kind of activities.

I never had that maternal thing where I wanted to play with dolls or take care of babies. Truthfully, I’m terrified of babies. The thought of being responsible for one 24/7 was always a nightmare scenario. I used to have dreams where I found out I was pregnant and killed myself in spectacular fashion after finding out. My subconscious was always super clear on this issue. Babies. No.

I got married at 23. Thankfully, my husband also had zero interest in offspring. He asked me if I would have his dogs, which made me swoon with joy. I can be absurdly maternal toward animals. Cooper is mommy’s little man. 🐕💕 My day revolves around him. I even take him on playdates where I meet and bond with other dog moms. We gossip about neighborhood goings-on while the dogs play, which is hilarious and perfect. The beautiful thing about dogs is you can leave them home alone with a chew toy while you go to the movies or earn money. Free time and disposable income are important to me.

I knew exactly what I wanted in life, but there were times of questioning in my early 20s when I found myself happily married and financially secure, then again in my late 30s with my reproductive window closing. Am I crazy? Will I regret this? No, and no, but I did do some soul searching on it. One of my concerns when I was younger was that I wouldn’t have anyone to care for me when I was older, but that’s a dumb reason to have kids. I have a happy little family with my husband and dog. We have a close community of friends, relatives, neighbors, and coworkers. I don’t feel isolated, or like anything is missing.

I have siblings. Two had kids and two of us didn’t. So, my parents did get to have human grandkids. Though I have friends who only provided their parents with grandcats. That’s pretty common, actually. The majority of my middle-aged friends never had children. They are happy, hardworking pet parents. I also have friends and relatives who couldn’t wait to start a family. It meant everything to them. No question they were going to be parents and raise a family. They were thrilled to face those challenges that I wanted no part of.

I think whatever people want or however things work out is ok. I’ve never been especially concerned about what society expects. I find purpose and meaning in my relationships, career, interests, and everyday life. Being fully in the moment turns out to be pretty awesome. Without our stories, everything is always ok.

Hey Skwigg.... this is a really personal question so please just say if you don't want to answer it... But, I am really interested about whether you made the conscious decision not to have kids or whether it just kind of happened by accident or through not being able to...? I have a vague recollection that you have mentioned this before and it was a conscious decision?

I am really interested in hearing about how you found purpose and meaning in your life outside of the role of mother, given that this is the primary role of women in society (society tells us this anyway). Has it ever been an issue for you? Do you worry about not having a 'family' that you have created around you as you get older?

Would love to hear from others too.

Skwigg - 

I was just wondering what your take on post-workout nutrition is. Will my muscles fail to reap the full benefits of lifting if I miss the post workout "window"? Do you eat anything after your workouts, or just wait until your next meal? Thanks!

I threw a brick through my post-workout feeding window a long time ago. I eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If my nutrition is good overall, the timing doesn't matter so much. That's been my experience anyway. Adding a post-workout shake might be important if you're training for muscle gain or for sports performance. In my case, it was just making my fat cells happy.

I think how you train matters too. You probably don't need to worry about post-workout nutrition with a 4 minute Tabata workout, 30 minutes of kettlebells, an hour long dog walk, or other workouts that sane people do. When I used to do 2 hours of judo, I was physically wrecked afterward and very depleted. Then it made total sense to dump a scoop of protein powder into a bottle of Gatorade so I could quit twitching, shaking, and sweating enough to drive home. That's the only time I've found a post-workout shake to be truly helpful and necessary. Generally, I prefer to wait for real food, even if it's hours later.

Did I read somewhere that you had vertigo before, Skwigg? Can you share your experience.

Oh, vertigo. Yes, I've been there. Sometimes it comes back, but never as bad as the first time. My first experience with it started while packing my lunch for work. I took a couple of steps toward the refrigerator, fell to my knees, and clung to the floor for dear life as the house was violently spinning upside down. I thought for sure I was having a seizure. Then I decided it was a brain tumor. I remembered a line in a movie about smelling burning feathers if you have a brain tumor. Did I smell burning feathers? No, but I was definitely going to throw up! The wave of nausea was awful.

I realized that as long as I didn't move my head quickly, the world didn't spin, so I drove myself to the doctor, where they told me not to drive. Oops! I can see how vertigo would be really problematic while driving. They asked me lots of questions and gave me lots of physical tests to rule out a stroke. Then they told me it was vertigo, possibly viral, possibly little floaty particles in my inner ear that had broken loose. I was fairly messed up for a couple of weeks but I didn't stop doing anything. At work, they set a trash can next to me in case the "twirl and hurl" hit. At the gym, my trainer wouldn't let me stand up or lift anything. If I insisted on showing up, I could only pedal a recumbent bike next to a trash can. I think the theory was that it was a fairly wide seat, and low to the ground if I fell off. LOL

I felt totally fine as long as I didn't move my head...or close my eyes...or lie down. Falling asleep was horrible with the bed spinning. I'd roll over in my sleep and wake up feeling like I was doing barrel rolls in a fighter jet. It eventually want away completely. Sometimes it will come back a little bit. Maybe once every 2 years or so I'll notice symptoms. It's never been even remotely as bad as the first time. It's more like turning my head and having the slight sensation that room keeps going, or closing my eyes and feeling a little dizzy. I actually fight it now when I feel it coming on. I'll deliberately turn my head quickly, or close my eyes, or stand on one foot. I make it happen and let my brain sort it out and stabilize me. I don't know if the episodes are less severe for some other reason, or if my brain is better at compensating for the wonky ear signals because I practice. :-) Either way, I feel best if I carry on life as usual instead of trying very hard to hold completely still.

Two things I regret doing while experiencing vertigo symptoms:

- looking over the edge of a 3-story atrium - going to see Avatar in 3D

2019 update - I learned this half somersault method of putting the floating crystals back where they belong in my inner ear. Now, when I feel vertigo coming on, I can do this a couple of times and be cured. It's miraculous!

https://youtu.be/1VWyPgfMuvM

Hey, Skwigg, I have a question...where did the name 'Skwigg' come from?

Skwigg is short for skwiggles which was a reference to my curly hair. It's spelled funny because back in the early days of the interwebz, "squiggles" was already taken as an AOL screen name. I joined as skwiggles, thinking it was really cute, and was immediately accosted by pedophiles who thought I was a child. Eeeeew! So I shortened it to the ageless, genderless, far more sophisticated skwigg and the creepers left me alone. The rest is history. LOL

Did any of you find that on your happy eating journey that you sometimes pendulum back and forth between being very interested in food and other times not so much?

My husband has no interest in food. He thinks it's an inconvenience and wishes he didn't have to eat. I don't know what planet he's originally from. 

For me, I was positively obsessed with food when I restricted it. Obsessed. Every waking thought.

Now that I can eat anything I want, anytime I want, as much as I want, I don't think about food for long stretches of the day, usually not unless I'm hungry. However, I'm way too much of a...what the heck am I? Nutrition hobbyist? Eating enthusiast?...to not care about food at all. I still get silly excited about it. I read about it. I start whole message boards to discuss it. I love food. :-)

Skwigg, have you ever tried crossfit? I am going to try out tomorrow and I was wondering what you think of it.

No, I think it's a cult of psychopaths. :-)

I would have fit right in when I was in my psycho fitness "no pain, no gain" stage but it's not for me now. It's the land of injury and overtraining, UNLESS you happen to go to a box with great coaches who scale the workouts, are sticklers for form, and emphasize safety over times and reps. Those places do exist. If you find one, the camaraderie and encouragement of a group training situation can be fantastic. The self-confidence boost and the emphasis on what your body can do versus how it looks can change your life forever. 

But if you go someplace and they're knocking out high-speed heavy lifts to failure with horrible form, and lots of people are wearing bandages, bleeding, or limping,  RUN!

Skwigg, I don't know if you have written this somewhere before, but can you explain to me how you went from eating very few calories and over exercising, to eating a normal amount of food and exercising less, all without gaining weight? Like, how did the transition happen? I know you were injured for a while and could not workout. Was that when it "happened"?

I've been through many stages.

I wasn't eating very few calories at that point when the injury happened. I was eating completely obsessively - clean, every 2 hours, starchy carbs post-workout, gobs of protein, tupperware and coolers, averaging around 2,800 calories per day, and exercising 2-3 hours per day 6-7 days a week (Precision Nutrition, g-flux, bah). 

When I broke my leg, I just stopped, all of it, stopped the exercise, stopped the food rules, ate whatever I could manage (lots of sandwiches, cereal, random things), lost 5 pounds, and felt a lot better. HUGE light bulb moment there. My appetite plummeted, I was eating whatever I wanted, my results were better, and I was happier. I quit martial arts, quit the gym, started doing Pilates, and practically became a vegan. Sometime in there I read Naturally thin and started Happy Eaters. I lost another 10 pounds. I wasn't force feeding myself. I wasn't following the rules. I was starting to listen to my body and go with my own preferences.

The very first time I came off of very low calories was in my early 20s post-anorexia. I gained 40 pounds then because I went from literal starvation to binge eating.

Every other time I've come off of a very low-calorie, restrictive, fat-loss diet, I've gained back the 10-15 pounds I'd lost. I did that numerous times, because if something doesn't work, you should try it a dozen more times to be sure! After all that, I thought it was impossible and unrealistic for me to maintain a low/lean weight. No, it was just impossible to do it with crash dieting and overtraining. Doing it slowly and working on one habit it a time has made it not only sustainable, but enjoyable.

I don't think I answered your question. I guess because I never went from low cals and overexercising right to normal food. I always went from low-cals and overexercising to rebound binge eating. There was always weight gain in those situations because I'd be freakishly depleted.

For someone else in that "coming off of very low cals" situation, I would say that once things level off, water and glycogen stabilize, and food intake become steady and reasonable, it's possible to get leaner just by going about your happy business, honoring hunger and fullness, moving in a way you enjoy, and eating to feel great. That's the way to get leaner in a sustainable, enjoyable way. If you were to get restrictive again looking for quick results, it becomes just another diet with all the associated problems. 

I think there are ways to minimize weight gain when coming off of a low-calorie diet and normalizing food intake. Leigh Peele has written whole books on the reset process. I don't think it's possible to completely avoid weight gain though. Depleted people gain weight easily. It's just their body reacting to the crisis. The lesson there is not to create a crisis! 

You did answer my question! It's crazy because I don't know a single person who come out of a restrictive diet without rebound binge eating. So I was wondering how you did it but now I understand your whole history better. 

So you don't believe that years of dieting mess up metabolisms? I am only asking you all these questions because now that I don't restrict anymore, I still think I eat less than a lot of girls I know. And even though I am slowly losing weight/ maintaining, I am not seeing big changes in my weight. Maybe it's because I still binge. But I'm wondering if it's because my body is messed up and this is the most I'll ever be able to eat and the leanest I'll ever be able to be unless I diet.

Any metabolic adaptation is temporary. It can always be shifted with good habits. You're not messed up or broken. You don't need to diet. 

We had a conversation recently about weekend eating, which can be similar to periodic binges. Someone was afraid they could only eat ____ (low, sad) number of calories per day without gaining and would be stuck that way forever. I asked if that was with or without weekend overeating sprees? Ah-ha! There was the real culprit, not the daily food intake which was fine or even low. As you continue to modify periodic (or even frequent) overeating episodes, daily food intake can actually come up to a comfortable level.

I speak from experience here because I did that myself. My weekend eating had gradually become more exuberant, with bigger portions, more snacks, and second desserts. Meanwhile, I'm stressing over the size of my apples trying to figure out if I'm overdoing fruit during the week. Duh, it's not the apples! Big picture! :-)

Anyway, you're fine, and you'll keep getting finer as you learn what works for you and continue to trust yourself more. Remember that consistency was the missing piece for most of us. You will be amazed at what another year of consistency will do for you, two years, three. It just keeps getting better and better.

If I lifted weights one day and muscles still hurt a bit two days later, is it ok to work out that day, or is it better to wait one more day?  I want to get into semi-automated habits, but also not do anything stupid along the way.

Moving sore muscles usually makes them feel better. Exercise warms them up, increases blood flow, and alleviates the pain. Leaving them cold, stiff, and still tends to make the soreness worse. Notice that you'll often feel the most sore right after sleeping, and it will ease up after you take a warm bath or shower and go about your daily activities. If you don't feel up to a strength session, gentle activity like walking or pedaling a stationary bike can feel good.

It's fine to train if you're still a little sore from a previous workout. It's best to rest if you're limping and wincing, are extremely fatigued, or have sharp pain that may be an injury.

Im in Australia so not too sure how big Easter is for you guys in the states but am wondering how you handle this choco day? I love chocolate and am planning to eat as much as i like guilt free. I know however that my "however much i like" on this particular day is a bit cray cray. I have binged in the past particularly last year where it was almost as if i didnt want to go to bed as i didnt want to stop eating.

I did learn from that experience though and am hoping to incorporate my treats into my day to enjoy and savor. Just wondering how you deal with these type of occasions?

I handle Easter candy by eating as much as I want guilt-free. :-) Knowing I can eat chocolate anytime I want and as much as I want keeps me from getting greedy or weird about it on holidays. I don't like to overeat because it doesn't feel good, and I do like both abs and vegetables, so it's all sort of self-regulating as long as I'm eating according to my values and how I want to feel.

This year I've had two Cadbury Creme Eggs a couple of weeks apart. This week, hopefully I'm going to get an Easter basket in the mail! When that arrives, I will murder the solid milk chocolate bunny with a big knife and eat his chocolaty body parts over a couple of days. I will also eat all of the foil-wrapped chocolate eggs and candy-coated eggs. Then I'll eat all of the red and orange jelly beans, but none of the other colors. This will take me like a week. If my husband does not eat his solid milk chocolate bunny in a reasonable period of time, say, another week. I will kill and eat his chocolate bunny as well. These baskets and bunnies aren't very big, so I get a nice taste of everything I want without overdoing it. What I don't do is go to the store and buy bags and boxes of candy to eat in mass quantity. That used to be my thing but it's not fun for me anymore.

Skwigg, what do you do when you have long flights? I am going to California on Friday and I'm looking at a 14-hour flight. Do you bring food? Or do you fast? Or eat plane food?

I don't fly, and that solves the whole problem. :-) When I did do a lot of traveling though, I was always a fan of airport and plane food. I never worried about it, packed special meals, or fasted. I just go and have fun. 

It's hard to leave the comfort zone even if it doesn't work anymore. I know realistically that gaining a few pounds doesn't mean I'm going to magically wake up 30 lbs heavier the next day (it would take some effort and food intake on my part...but logic seems to go out the window when it comes to body image. I wish I could just be happy to be normal weight, healthy, and strong! I hate that I've internalized the message that smaller is better for women. I guess knowing intellectually that it's a ridiculous standard and believing it are two different things. I'll just have to keep plugging away at it. As always, thank you for the response.

It's totally normal to want to cling to "that thing that worked that one time." How many Body for Life Challenges did I start? I've lost count. I wanted each new diet or program to be the answer, even more so if it seemed to work temporarily. I'd come back to it over and over again hoping to recreate the magic. The thing is, the answer will never be some external rule or gimmick. A lasting solution to health, happiness, and leanness needs to come from you and work with your own lifestyle, preferences, and values. If it's yours, it sticks, and so do the results.

It is possible to be very happy that you're a normal weight, healthy, and strong...and want to continue to improve. Accepting yourself now doesn't mean you never get any better. Quite the opposite! We take great care of things we love. So self-acceptance is a key piece of the improvement puzzle.

When you're establishing your own habits, think in terms of what's important to you and what makes you feel great. Do more of that. Also reflect on what stresses you out, backfires, or creates dread. Do less of that. For me, I value fitness and leanness, but I also value flexibility and fun. So, an ultra-restrictive low-calorie diet is out. Eating chocolate every day is in. Mindless overeating is out because it feels awful and yields equally bad results. Eating satisfying meals is in because it's delicious and works well. Counting calories and tracking macros is out because it makes me think about food constantly.

Like that. :-) Your happiest, most effective approach will be unique to you.

I was wondering about your transition off intermittent fasting. I've regained 10 lbs or so. I put on the last few after stopping IF 2 weeks ago. (I think I was starting to dread it a bit after 2 years, and frankly decided it wasn't worth it if it wasn't working). Did you noticed any weight fluctuation after you stopped IF? I know it's only a few lbs, but my internal process is still freaked out a bit. I'm struggling not to be a ninny now and start eating chicken and broccoli exclusively....

I only did Eat Stop Eat style intermittent fasting for 5 weeks before I began to dread it and stopped. There is nothing "intermittent" about it if you're forcing yourself to go 24 hours without food twice a week on a schedule.

The thing to remember is that IF is only one way to create a deficit. There are many others that are easier, more effective, and don't create that kind of stress and hormonal fallout. I think when I first tried IF, I lost about 5 pounds and gained them right back. When I switched to eating big satisfying meals at regular times with little or no snacking, I lost 20 pounds over a couple of years, which was a bit much. Now, I've happily eaten back 7 of those pounds and maintained that new weight for the last few years. I'm stronger and happier, not walking around depleted and cranky. I tend to eat meals that are big enough for me to go 4-7 hours between them and 12+ hours overnight without getting hungry or thinking about food. Some people might still consider that a form of IF, but I call it eating enough. The big, satisfying meals come first, and that results in the not snacking. I get hungry, eat a satisfying amount, and then I don't get hungry or think about food again for hours.

The thing I tell myself about the chicken and broccoli temptation (no longer a temptation for me!) is that it's a great way to lose weight quickly, regain it quickly, and create new food issues and binge urges. Restrictive dieting tends to cause reactive overeating, not lasting leanness. There's no point. What works for getting and staying lean is being consistent. To be consistent, you need to love what you do every day, enjoy your food, and feel great mentally and physically. If intermittent fasting isn't doing that for you anymore, it's time to move on...and not to the chicken and broccoli diet. :-)

I read an article somewhere about a family giving up sugar for a year, where they stated they experienced fewer episodes of illness.

I'm not sure where I stand. I like cake. I also don't think that any food is inherently bad for you unless eaten to excess.

Thoughts?

I just went and found that article about the family who gave up sugar for a year:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/07/year-of-no-sugar_n_5084561.html

I've seen people both raging and raving about this. I thought it was interesting and not hysterical or triggering. I wouldn't want to do it, and don't see any particular reason for it. When the mom was asked if she thinks everyone should give up sugar, she says that she's kind of done it for them, that there's no need to be that strict, but that it's good to have awareness so you can make your own dietary decisions. 

OMG, burn her! Right? :-) Talking all sane-like...

I do agree with what she says about how your palate changes. I went years eating sweetened everything. I was using mostly artificial sweeteners, but still, I was sweetening everything. I could not eat plain cottage cheese or greek yogurt. It was reaching the point where I couldn't eat plain fruit. Berries weren't sweet enough. Sugar wasn't sweet enough! I'd try to sweeten something with sugar and it would taste unsweetened to me. At that point, I was so sweetener-dependent, I was like Elf putting maple syrup on spaghetti. As I gradually backed off on the sweet stuff, my palate changed, and I like the change! Sugar is plenty sweet to me now, so is fruit. I love unsweetened tea. I love rich or tart dairy flavors. 

I can certainly see how laying off of sweetened-everything both increases your enjoyment of regular food, and increases your appreciation of sugar when you do have it. 

I just sent myself a kindle sample of the book. No worries, I have zero intention of giving up sugar for a day, much less a year. I do think it's interesting how the whole world has become sweetened though. I'm curious (like circus freakshow curious) what a family might have to do to avoid added sugar altogether. 

What do you think about this Skwigg? Obesity Research Confirms Long-Term Weight Loss Almost Impossible

Well, that was dismal. I agree with the idea that dieting doesn't work for permanent weight loss. You can go on a low-calorie diet and lose weight initially, but you won't be able to keep it off because that kind of restriction does such a number on your brain, hormones, metabolism, and activity level. You end up priming yourself for weight gain. You become more efficient at fat storage, more hungry, and more obsessed with food. 

I do think it's possible to lose a lot of weight and keep it off though. I think gradual lifestyle and habit changes can work where extreme dieting fails. Because then you're not throwing your body and mind into a crisis state.

Just my nonscietific opinion. :-)

Have you had experience with avoiding sugar/wheat/trigger foods? Do you think that history of dieting is a stronger "primer" than stress or lack of sleep for you?

I truly believe that dieting is the problem, not the sugar. When I was dieting (or had recently been dieting, or was thinking about dieting soon), sugar was very problematic. So were potato chips, ice cream, cheese, peanut butter, pasta, bread, breakfast cereal, cookies, pizza, candy, and pretty much any kind of dessert. That's the only time in my life I've had what I would call trigger foods. Anytime I'd get a taste of something more exciting than my bland restrictive diet, I would lose my mind and find myself unable to stop eating, sometimes for days. 

Now that there is no diet, there are no trigger foods. I have pounds of candy, loaves of bread, bags of chips, jars of peanut butter, and pints of ice cream around me at all times. The idea of overeating them seems really absurd. I'm not hungry. 

That may be part of it too. Hunger and biology. When we chronically underfeed ourselves we are hungry, really freaking hungry. It's not surprising that a starving person would go for lots of the most calorically dense food they could find. That might be totally normal actually. 

I find that for me, dieting and restriction are the real issues, not any particular food. Lack of sleep can do a number on me, but I usually just eat the carbs and catch some shut-eye and that one resolves itself. 

I feel like I'm so disconnected from my inner hunger/voice I'm not sure how to listen to it again! How did you reconnect with that?

Getting reacquainted with your body's hunger signals and needs an ongoing project. You can't abuse, ignore, insult, and bully somebody for years and then say, "Hey, let's be friends and communicate perfectly starting now!"

Trust has to be earned, communication established, and mutual respect built. It really is like a relationship. It requires time and effort but it's very worthwhile. My body got used to chaos. I would lose control and overeat because my body fully expected me to starve the hell out of it. It wasn't a matter of willpower or weakness. My chronic dieting set off a powerful biological need to eat as much as possible when food was available.

Step one of fixing that situation was beginning to eat satisfying meals at regular times. How you compose or space these is up to you. If you're used to eating small meals every 2-3 hours, suddenly expecting to go 6 hours may not work. Get the meals substantial and balanced enough, and your life interesting and fulfilling enough that going longer between meals becomes a total non-issue. You're genuinely not hungry or thinking about food until your stomach growls and reminds you. It's backwards to make it a rule not to eat until a certain time. Adjust the food first to see how long various combinations and portions last. Maybe you get an extra 15 minutes. Maybe you get an extra hour. There is no right or wrong. Get the curious observer or objective scientist thing happening. "My research tells me that when I eat that, this happens."

That's how you learn. That's how you start rebuilding the connections and trusting the signals. Practice. Patience. Repetition.