Lean Enough

“Lean enough” is like “too muscular” “too fat” “too skinny” “bulky.” It’s all SO subjective and personal. Two people can be using the same words but with completely different ideas about what they mean. When I talk about lazy leanness or leanness being a side effect of taking care of myself, I should probably add that I’m about 20 pounds heavier than at my most restrictive adult weight. I feel great in my current body, but it would have been one hundred percent UNacceptable according to my fear-driven, disordered standard of leanness. Back then, I couldn’t even have fathomed being 20 pounds heavier and being ok with it. In fact, I know from experience that I can be 10-15-20 pounds higher than I am currently and and still feel strong, happy, confident, and “lean enough.” Which is really important because I’m not living in mortal fear of gaining 3 pounds. When I was so afraid, and had drawn such hard lines on what was acceptable, I inevitably ate more food with less awareness.