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Post whole 30 recovery
In Mindset
jazzapple
Feb 21, 2019
Skwigg, I will look into the digestive enzymes. My baseline digestion is problematic anyway, so I think they could help. Does anyone take them/can recommend a brand? I know you are definitely right that it's never a choice between one or the other, but in my head it totally is. I've separated the two, to the point that I do feel a sense of guilt when I'm eating bread or cheese or whatever, OR more often, it's like, ah, well I've "messed up" already. I don't go on a binge or anything, but I do get a mental sense at least that I'm "off track." Why do we have to be on track or off track?? Why can't we just BE? I like the idea of the eggs AND the oatmeal/toast/cereal, the meat and veggies AND the rice. That's where I've struggled in the past--making room for all foods. I think when I was doing whole 30 I felt somewhat proud of having the willpower to give these things up. I felt superior, which feels icky to admit, but it's true. I felt like I finally had the control to not eat sugar or bread or peanut butter. That's not the intent of the whole 30, and I know that's leftover eating disorder gunk. Eating those things doesn't have to be attached to morality or self worth. It's just food, it's not your identity. I did feel really good with the whole 30 because I was finally eating big satisfying meals. But I don't think I had a really accurate "before" comparison, because I wasn't really eating meals. So I don't think it can truly be attributed to cutting out specific foods, I think it was more from actually eating meals. I think I have to give normal balanced meals (including things that I previously cut out) a true shot and see how I feel--my sense is that I'll feel just as good as on the whole 30, if not better.
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Post whole 30 recovery
In Mindset
jazzapple
Feb 20, 2019
So I didn't really follow the whole 30 reintroduction very well. Kind of immediately reintroduced sugar, grains, and dairy. One night we made this baked mac and cheese with three kinds of cheese and milk. Yikes. Needless to say, had some pretty significant digestive issues the next day. I vacillate between wanting to eat whole 30ish and then wanting to eat a "regular" diet--with sugar, starchy carbs, cheese, etc. In the past when I've eaten more starchy carbs I get lethargic and sleepy, and I never really felt that way on the whole 30. I feel like when I eat more whole 30 meals I have a sense of resentment. I don't really want to--I want yogurt and peanut butter and chocolate and baked goods. But I do notice a difference when I eat eggs versus oatmeal in the mornings. When I eat oatmeal and head into work, I feel like I could fall asleep at my desk, and it's not that way when I have a higher protein/fat breakfast. So I'm not sure how to proceed from here. The middle ground is always best, moderation, etc.. I just have a really hard time with that. Because when I finally give myself "permission" to eat peanut butter, I go overboard, and end up throwing half the jar away because I don't trust myself with it. I was reading what skwigg was saying about not having any food off limits, but that one seems to be really challenging for me still. I was reading someone wrote about how the majority of people can't eat freely--that to maintain the body they want they will always have to diet or restrict in some way. I'm really not sure that's the case, and I would hate to think that it is. What really gets me about that statement is that the dieting and restricting only caused me to gain more weight when I rebounded--so while they got me thin initially, in the long run it messed everything up, metabolism, weight, digestion, energy, sleep, etc.
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Post whole 30 recovery
In Mindset
jazzapple
Feb 11, 2019
Thanks, skwigg, I appreciate the warm welcome back! I think you're absolutely right about there being some positive takeaways. I definitely don't fear fat anymore like I used to. I sauté and roast veggies in oil, and don't skimp on that. I also did really enjoy adding in a lot of veggies, and even some new combinations. Although there's a misconception that it involves eating a ton of meat, a lot of my meals were very vegetable-based, with meat added in. The idea of forbidden foods is hard for me too. Even telling myself that I can't have certain foods (without even taking that action) raises some level of anxiety. Yesterday I kind of added in things that I had been missing, like yogurt, peanut butter, chocolate, and grains. I baked a vegan banana bread with oat flour and had it with two of my meals. I didn't feel lethargic or brain foggy or whatever they say happens. I felt great and fine and normal. I have never been one to go overboard on the carbs, so I don't really feel nervous about going overboard on bread and chips. I do worry about sweets a little bit. But I also think about something my mom said when I was talking to her about the whole 30, and breaking emotional ties with food etc. She said to me, "But when I want a cookie, I want it because it tastes good, not because I'm sad. Cookies are just good!" It was a really funny moment, and a moment of big clarity. Going back to the joy of food is always a nice place to return. Skwigg you're right--I thought it would revolutionize my life, I'd lose 15 pounds, be drinking bulletproof coffee forever (yikes), rainbows and unicorns. That wasn't the reality. I enjoyed it when I was doing it, but I'd rather operate somewhere in the middle rather than at either extreme.
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jazzapple
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